Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Accidental Activist

A few months ago, when we were in between the arraignment and the contested omnibus, I was contacted by a local reporter. She had read my blog and was interested in doing a piece on it.

At that point in time, I wanted to talk but I was afraid. I felt that anything I might say in the papers might be the wrong thing and I would put everything in jeopardy and I would be not only the cause of the case being thrown out of court but also the person who had taken a shattered life and doused it with gasoline and lit a match.

So I held off. Until now.

I’ve had so many private emails and public comments from people who have gone through this same ordeal. From people that were discounted when they disclosed, from mothers with horrible guilt, from people struggling to live day in and day out because someone in their lives took horrible advantage of them, and even from people that think I should just shut up and move on.

I don’t have a lot of use for people that tell me to shut up. Silence is not an option when the stakes are so high.

So I’m thinking there are a few people reading this blog today for the first time.

I’m sure there will be people that will be horrified that I speak so bluntly. There will be people that think such a sensitive topic should be shushed up and kept under the rug. There will be people that blame the victim, blame the mother, blame society, blame everyone but the perpetrator.

I also don’t have a lot of use for these people.

I didn’t choose to blog about pedophilia, it was thrust upon me. When I discovered what my soon-to-be-ex husband (STBX) did, I could have either shut down my blog or use it as a life preserver. I couldn’t continue writing and pretend that my life wasn’t exploding.

I chose to continue writing.

I chose to get angry.

I chose to write everyday as opposed to doing what I really wanted to do, curl up in a ball and die.

Funnily enough, this blog started out as a crafting blog. If you’re new here, welcome. If you’re a knitter or a quilter, I promise to occasionally speak of such things. If you love Corgis, grab a cup of coffee and get comfy.

If you’re here because you are a survivor of abuse or the non-offending parent, take my hand.

Let’s walk this journey together.


Anonymous said...

Reading the DNT this morning and was immediately drawn to your story - I am a survivor, I have kept the secret for 50 years. I accept your invitation to finally walk the journey and I thank you, so very very much. Laura

superiorfan said...

Read the DNT this morning and been reading your blog. I'm sure you know but you are a great mother.

Years ago a friend was abused by her step-father. Her mother did not kick him out and stayed with him. He died a few years later of cancer. Gee that was too bad. I found out later that he didn't like when I was over there because he was "intimidated" by me. He like to verbally abuse her other friends by trying to show his 'superior intelligence". Thats all another story. He should have been put away but served very little time.

Congrats taking a strong stand for your children.

Guinifer said...

I read your pain and I hear what you're saying about your children and it burns to swallow it. That our society somehow allowed it - it burns.

Shelly said...

Funny, I started off with a crafting blog as well...

But it is the most therapeutic thing, to say it all, even when it's ugly, and you think nobody could relate or that everyone will look away. By now you know that you are not alone, all because you said something.

None of us wish for these things to happen to us, certainly not to our children, and many, many frightened people keep silent. I don't blame them for doing so, I'm just glad they have you to give them courage. Viva Revolution! ;-) And much love to you, as always. There's a cold one waiting for you on your next trip South...