Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Most Sincerest Of Happy Birthday Greetings

Many people use their birthdays as a time of reflection: What have I done with my life? Am I where I thought I would be at this time? What have I done to change the world? Have I attained the dreams that I dreamt? Am I working on PLAN A? B? M? Z?

Well, today is STBX's 46th birthday.

I wonder what you get for your birthday while in prison? An extra waffle for breakfast? Extra jack off time in the shower? A kiss and a peck and a hug around the neck from your cell mate? An extra helping of kiddie porn under your pillow from the kiddie porn fairy?

One positive thing.

Perhaps searching your 46 years for one positive thing that you have contributed to society.

My kids asked me, a few months ago if I regreted ever having met him and being boxed into that corner was a tad uncomfortable. How can I say yes if I am looking at two beautiful children that unfortunately shared his DNA.

"I can't say that I regret it because I have you and I love you with all my heart and soul. I regret not having the strength to realize that he was incapable of love. I regret not realizing that I should have left earlier and realized that a homeless shelter would have been better than life under his roof. I regret not having the strength to realize that it was not just me that he was hurting."

"But," my daughter assured me, "We would have come along somehow. We would have found you."

"Well, putting it that way? Of course I wish I had never met him."

We all have legacies that we leave behind on this earth. Some are immdediate, some are echoes that reverberate throughout generations.

All I ask is this one thing: Give me one positive thing that you have ever done.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You asked for one positive thing I've done. Well, it isn't exactly what I've done, but how lucky I got. I was not supposed to have babies of my own. We went through everything to try to have one. We gave up years ago. Then on 5-5-08 we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. So that is the most positive thing in my life - EVER!