Monday, November 09, 2009

Acme Ipod Repair

I should get a job at the Apple "Genius" bar.

My 80 gig Ipod was having seizures months and months ago and since it would have cost, you know, money to get it fixed, I put it away.

It's been riding around in my purse for months, vying for my attention with unwrapped pieces of Juicy Fruit and clean but tattered tissues. (The kind that, when your friend needs a Kleenex and you produce one from your purse, she will look at you skeptically and surreptitiously examine it for old boogers before daring to touch it to her oh so delicate proboscis.)

Never throw away those unwrapped pieces of gum. I live in a fantasy world where one day some horrible event will take place right in front of me and Richard Dean Anderson will appear and begin to frantically search his pockets for the one thing that will save the day. Juicy Fruit gum. (It will have to be Juicy Fruit do to some chemical reaction that would occur if Double Mint was used. That's why the bitch standing next to me waving her pack of Double Mint under his nose gets TOTALLY IGNORED.) One day I will prevent another 9/11, Murrah Federal Building, Texas chain saw massacre with a stick of Juicy Fruit and Richard Dean Anderson. This is the reason that I change my underwear everyday.

It can be really draining to live in my world.

Side note: How do sticks of gum become undressed in a purse? Is there some sort of faction of ultra liberal sticks of gum that feel they need to go "natural" before they die?

Yes...yes...I was going somewhere with all this before I saw that deer and hit that Ipod! I pulled it out last night, charged it up, and was able to actually put things on it AS GOD INTENDED.

The computer didn't suddenly vomit, I Tunes didn't suddenly freeze, and that whole issue with the green smoke emanating from the headphone jack? Gone!

I don't think I'm a mere Genius...I think I'm a soooooooooper Genius.

This is where I realize I'm holding the lit stick of TNT, right?

1 comment:

superiorfan said...

Thank you, from now on when someone asks how to fix their ipod I will tell them to put it in your purse with some unwrapped sticks of juice fruit gum. Even if they are male they will have to buy a purse and do this. Trust me I've heard this works.