The First Place You Look Is The Last Place It Would Be

"See, the trouble with having such a long period between taking the curtains down and putting the curtains back up again is the fact that you just might forget where the damn curtain hooks and brackets are."

These words are spoken by a large greasy man with plumbers crack and a nasty cigar as he walks through my head, holding a clipboard, tutting at my inefficiency.

Yup. I wanted to put the curtains up last night. Nope. They didn't go up. They are gracefully adorning the hideous green chair that I got for free.

I am starting to think that they look pretty damn good on that chair.

This house has been gutted, shaken, stirred, turned upside down, and examined with a proctoscope. There are very few places that the curtain hooks and brackets COULD be. There is a decided lack of clutter going on here.

Oh, and I'm missing one end off my curtain rod.

It's kind of like seeing the most beautiful girl you've ever seen and after you're halfway down the aisle in your mind, she smiles and reveals a row of teeth like ill begotten tombstones.

And that little voice in your head says "oh....It was going to be sooooo perfect...."

So, let's play a cyber game of "Button Button Who's Got The Button", except that instead of buttons, we're looking for curtain hardware and instead of people, we're thinking of locations.

As a matter of fact, it's nothing like "Button Button", it's more like "Crazy Crazy".

I can start this game by telling you where it isn't. It isn't in the bathroom, it isn't in the living room, it isn't in the dining room, it isn't in the mud room, and it isn't in my son's room.

Of course, all of this kvetching could be moot if the unimaginable has become imaginable.

Yes. I am speaking of aliens.

Never rule out the aliens.