Friday, November 20, 2009

It's Not A Real Addiction Unless You Can Find A Support Group

What do you get for someone on their 750th post? Cookies? I'll take chocolate no bakes please.

The story on chocolate no bakes? Back when I was in second or third grade one of my friends brought chocolate no bakes to school for her birthday or something (yes children, there once was a time when we were actually allowed to bring homemade food to school) and I had never had chocolate no bakes.

It was like CRACK! I know I had to have made an absolute ass of myself. Sorry Roxanne, I know it was your birthday but your cookies were just REALLY REALLY GOOD. I believe I followed the teacher around like a lost puppy dog, asking every three seconds "Did everyone get one yet???? Are there seconds????"

In other words, I was the kid that, if I were to meet myself in some horrifying parallel universe in which I am forced to look at the elementary aged me and see just how funny my mother dressed me, I would no doubt shoot out my hand and strangle myself right then and there. "NO YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY MORE FRICKIN' COOKIES!!!!"

And then I would disappear in a puff of smoke and it would all turn into an awful sci-fi cliche.

Damn, I just got tangent-sickness...

Anyway, I went home and trumpeted these cookies. They were like heaven! They were wonderful! OM MY GOD!

Then I went back to school and badgered my friend for the recipe.

Yes, just visualize this: Small child, ugly, ugly glasses, probably plaid pants, thick awful hair that always looked like a mongoose tried to mate with an ostrich, asking my very cool classmate for a recipe.

a recipe for craaaaaaaack!

But within a couple days she handed it to me, no doubt to get me the hell away from her.

My little fingers were trembling with anticipation. I had received manna from heaven! I actually remember being distracted in school that day because I was so excited to get home and GET MORE COOKIES!

When I finally got home and handed my mom the recipe she took one look at it and shrugged her shoulders "They're just no bakes..." She opened her recipe book and there, right there before my eyes, was THE SAME RECIPE.

I was stunned. It was like I didn't even know her. She had been collecting food stamps, all the while secreting the Hope Diamond in the bottom of her purse!

She had access to the Holy of Holies and she acted like IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

But then?

She made me cookies.

And it was aaaaaaaaaalllllll better.

I still have her cookbook and that page is delightfully smudged.

For your consideration, I give you my childhood recipe for crack:

Chocolate No Bake Cookies

2 C. sugar
1/4 C. cocoa
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 stick butter
1/2 C. milk
2 1/4 C. Minute Oats
1/2 C. peanut butter (crunchy kind is great here)
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix sugar, cocoa, and salt in a 1 1/2 quart saucepan. Add butter and milk, bring to a boil. Boil for 1.5 minutes, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon. Remove from heat, add remaining ingredients. Mix for 1 minute. Drop by spoonsfuls onto wax paper. Chill until firm.

And when you're done with the saucepan? Don't share it with ANYONE! Take it into another room and lock the door behind you.

You're gonna need a little time alone.


Anonymous said...

And a gallon of skim milk.

= )

Anonymous said...

I have made these numerous times and they are GREAT! Peanut butter and chocolate are my absolute favorite combo.

Shelly said...

Soul Sista! I thought I was the only one that needed to "be alone" with my food...I had to be alone with some chicken wings just last night, as a matter of fact.

Anonymous said...

Now if you’re really adventurous, try putting in some coconut and raisins in your no bakes with crunchy peanut butter. O-M-G!!! Chocolate GOLD!!! My husband loves no bake cookies this way. Not that I would turn one down either. You have to omit some of the oats if you add coconut or it will dry out the mix. I learned the hard way. Lots of trial and error but the mistakes were soooooo delicious.

Now you'll have to excuse me...I need to go make some cookies.

P in Michigan