Sunday, November 22, 2009

Not A Creature Was Stirring

There are houses in my neighborhood that already have Christmas trees up.

Let me repeat that.

THERE ARE HOUSES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD THAT ALREADY HAVE CHRISTMAS TREES UP!!!!

There are lights and baby Jesus' and an all to premature feeling of peace on earth.

It's bad enough that retailers are pulling this crap. Are these neighbors trying to sell me something???

I spent yesterday painting for ten frickin' hours, painting over the stairs with a five foot pole that looked like a whale proctology tool. I then uncrimped my back and shoulders and took the dogs out for a walk and discovered that yes, unto this day a child was born. Should I ever find that I can no longer afford my house, it's obvious to me that there is a kind hearted neighbor that is willing to go the extra mile and even before the Thanksgiving turkey is carved, he will pimp out a manger and take in any chick knocked up by a deity.

Now I just need to start tarting myself up for God.

Yeah, that last sentence is a sure fire trip to hell...I'm ok with that. It's where all my friends will be!

The Christmas thing is coming man...I can sense it in the air, I can taste it on the wind, and I can hear it on the damn radio with their crazy assed carols already.

I realized yesterday that I'm playing into the whole holiday thing and I didn't even realize it. Some people lose their socks to the dryer monster, we seem to be losing our spoons. A few months ago, I realized that our forks seemed to be disappearing. Now? Spoons. They are not lodged in the dishwasher. They are not lost in the back of the silverware drawer. They have simply disappeared.

So around here, we are reliving the Night Before Christmas. Not a creature is stirring.

Not stirring our coffee.

Not stirring our soup.

Not stirring our cereal.

We are all very still at the moment.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry Tina,
But smartass remarks don't make you hell material. You know it! Come clean! You can't wait for Christmas to come! You can't wait to hold your daughter in your arms and talk all night. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. Oh, by the way , we just got our tree today! hehehehehe. Love that Christmas feeling! You know who and what hell is reserved for! ;p
Tabatha (friend in Folsom)

superiorfan said...

Agree its way to early for the Christmas Decorations. I have an aunt living near me that has already started and she will keep adding more lights to her yard. Think I'll go drop off what I have, a few less things taking up space that I don't use.

It was not dryer monster that had eaten my missing socks from a few weeks ago. Found one mismatched pair in my drawer and another stray had fallen beside the washer. With that mystery solved I hope your spoons are found soon. Check they are not mixed with the forks is my only advice.

The first year I moved out here in the woods I had great intentions of cutting my own tree. Saw check, Axe check, 5th of brandy, check. However every tree in the woods looked great on one side but the other side even Charlie Brown would not touch. I also had vision of the movie Christmas Vacation where the squirrel gets in the house via tree. I've had a squirrel in the house twice this is not a fun experience.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE DON'T TART YOUR SELF UP THERE ARE ENOUF OF THEM IN THE WORLD.HAY MY SPOONS AND FORKS RAN AWAY TO I GOT SOME MORE AT THE $1 STORE.AND AS FOR CHRISTMAS HONEY JUST LET LT CREEP UP ON YOU WHEN YOU FEEL GOOD YOU AND YOUR KIDS NEED A WARM FUZZY ONE THIS YEAR JUST BE HAPPY YOU ARE ALL THERE TOGTHER MAKE IT YOU OWN THE KIND ALL OF YOU WILL REMEMBER COME ON GET A TREE I BET YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS

Tripp Davenport said...

Tina,

You are *amazingly* funny!! You have a gift. The world is better now that your voice is being heard.

Bravo!